The Ma’at Altar: The Wheel of Fortune is Meeting the Goddess
This post is NOT a history lesson. Nor an attempt to reconstruct Egyptian cosmology. It and its digital art altar counterpart are the public manifestations of the artist’s (🙋) divination practice. Not really thesis, more so collage, so heads up! Disparate references are part of the medium. I’m sharing the threads; please pull them and make meaning if you’re inspired to.
In my world, divination isn’t a tool to predict the future or tell fortune. It is a practice and process where I am following myself and the world through a cyclical journey, the wheel of the year. Mythology, astrology, tarot, songs, books, reels, conversations, and whatever else insists on finding me are all ingredients for the art of noticing—the soup of becoming more available to myself:
- What symbols are here? Which ones keep returning?
- Was I visiting this same terrain six months ago?
- What story keeps insisting on being lived?
- What part of me is asking to be met rather than managed? How old is she?
- What kind of person do I reveal myself to be if I wear this symbol for a while?
The digital divination I practice reveals itself to be less about the symbols and more about relationship. Specifically: the one I have with myself. I’ve stopped asking questions like ‘why’ and ‘what does this mean’, because the wheel has turned once again and placed another part of myself in front of me; I study, and am studied back.
From the channel:
“the part of me who’s too much or makes a whole thing of it … the one who builds moments IS me. divinity is the tool through which you access God Earthside. healing the maternal lineage is an act of using this body & it’s electricity in Godly ways.”
What do you do when you meet another part of yourself? One younger. Another ginormous. The old forgotten self. The one who’s been humiliated. The one who’s fucking ravenous.
What do you do now? What have you historically done? Did you even meet this new part of yourself on purpose? Or did you go looking for a flaw and accidentally find an exile?
And before we go any further, let me make this very clear: we’re not aiming to get beyond ourselves, here. No push to transcend or pull to optimize. What this space is and what it’s not:
- it’s not self-improvement;
- it’s just showing up, not even knowing if we can be present to what’s here or to ourselves;
- there’s no pressure to get it right or be perfect. Period.
It is being willing to stay in relationship with what’s here, even and especially when it’s messy, contradictory, grief-filled, or an old-ass-tired-ass pattern you saw coming and jumped into anyway.
The day before I began work on this altar space, I revisited the end of this Chappell Roan The Giver interview.
Sidebar: I also discovered her Ascendant (in Tropical astrology) is Libra, and it’s 1 degree away from mine! Naturally.
My understanding of what’s being shared is this: the pattern correction is never hating any part of yourself across any time or space, and both owning + acting on the choice you have to do things which witness yourself first, before they perform for anyone else. Ergo getting the tramp stamp because it’s fun. Because joy is a sufficient reason to move, delight is evidence for direction, and it doesn’t need to be justified.
An act of devotional play simply because it delights me IS, in its own way, a heart placed on the scale with no weight added. If I know myself and my needs, how do I move from this place? How do I show up to tend to the most important relationship in my life, the one with myself? This particular question and turn of the wheel began, appropriately enough, with the Ten of Swords.
Ten of Swords: The Old Orientation Is Compost, Now
Welcome to Ma’at’s altar space blog; this altar surprised me! It’s taken a different form than the Eris and Cosmic Laundromat altar spaces. It feels more art-forward, like the And Still altar. And it stands alone, in the way of being quick and dirty, but matter-of-fact as only a lady of Justice could!
This altar space found me after life prompted me to be in the Cosmic Laundromat; sorting, finding what was mine, washing up and processing.
In tarot, the 10 of Swords card points to an ending: perhaps unexpected, could be a betrayal, a sudden collapse, or a big old face-down failure of sorts. In any case, it’s a shock to the system, which leaves pain in its wake.
Not what we signed up for, but wait, it gets worse! Being haunted by these 10 swords in your back, these painful thought forms can be particularly sticky-icky! Like gum on your shoe. Will you stop and clean up the mess? Or keep walking and get it on everything?
Don’t fret; like with any card that gets a bad rap, there’s always a silver lining (beyond the simultaneous validation and sting of getting clocked by your cards)! Though it may feel sharp, there’s a message offering a blessing in this lesson! In the traditional sense, 10 in tarot marks a point of culmination; when you’re low, the wheel turns. So on the bright side, the worst is over, and loving forces in your life can help lighten the load.
In the context of the Ma’at altar space, the loving force offered is kind communion with yourself.
A personal anecdote:
I buried a family heirloom ring… in my front yard, under the Scorpio full moon… after wearing it on a 5-hour coffee shop date. Why? IDK. I felt compelled to do it. And under this Capricorn full moon, I’ve gone ahead and dug it up. The work revealed itself to be about new lenses, healing maternal lineage, and staying with myself. Now back on my finger, the healing process is complete.
From the channel:
“i examine what i know through enlightened eyes. i know i do not have to be good. i know i have nothing to prove.”
I am with me even when it feels hard to look at the “between me and me” of it all. I am with me even when I’m walking a fine line between relationship and attachment, or making relationship identity. If we are all (stolen) mother moon and the villagers, we are capable of holding it loosely, digging in the depths of our bodies, minds, and spirits when necessary, and letting our energy rise.
Because I know it’s all perfect, not permanent, I do not punish myself for the characters I’m playing. I recognize that to live a life that feels like a warm hug, I am the person who must wand (the seen and unseen) worlds around me to support me in this quest. So I petition for help becoming the most loving and kind version of me, to me, first.
That’s what the work was here. Choosing to keep my heart light. Choosing to cultivate a peaceful, loving relationship with myself continuously. This choice is a gift for myself, but it’s also an act of Pluto in Aquarius parenting revolution, in my mind. So I gently and effectively live and communicate my personal truths and values in all that I do.
Even if (and especially when) I am playing the role of cosmic giantess, bumbling around and spilling paint.
The Star: All That Glitters Is What Remains
In tarot, the Star card comes after the Tower card. Immediate disassembly of an outdated foundation, a reminder not to dig your heels in and that change is the name of the game proceeded by a renewed, deeply profound connection to the great unconscious field of energy where ideas and dreams come to life. The Star card doesn’t ask for action from us; when we sit with her, we are behind the veil, in the unseen, nonverbal world of energy. She is offering quiet to meet ourselves more deeply and listen inside.
I met a giant, very silly version of myself in a meditation group a couple of weeks ago. It was a very magical experience, which was then compounded by meeting the Cosmic Giantess in Sarah Vrba’s Patreon community as a full moon practice. The Giantess became the bridge between the cosmos and me. After all, the stars and I are made of the same particles. As above, so below.
Here’s the Cliff’s Notes on who I have come to understand this archetype to be:
- She is both Mother Moon; shining her light in dark places, Yin organizing herself and,
- Mother Earth, Crystalline, as the bigness of soul and compassion.
- She is everything all at once, including especially; annoying, big, messy, wild, beyond linear, beyond expectation;
- And her bigness is circular, therefore she’s never pushing.
- She both does not give a fuck, and imagines, creates and lives a big beautiful life that feels good to her all at once.
In my own practice, I created this artwork. It is the electrified and embellished nature I see the Cosmic Giantess within me holding: the mess of glitter and layered stars; these are her holiness. In my brief brush with this archetype, there is found permission: It’s OK to be exactly who I am, in my fullness, my totality. There is encouragement to move from a place of following taste, what’s in season (for me) is right.
Choice always feels giant! To be certain only of limitless possibilities is pretty expansive! It’s a choice not to overexplain this altar space. Or this blog post. Because I am the great cosmic mother and I have the choice to rewrite stories and make them art. That’s the gift. I am the author, and I own my authorship.
In Florence + The Machine’s Third Eye, the intro and chorus name “that original lifeline”. I believe that this original lifeline is the Divine Feminine spirit within all of us. Whether you have a physical womb or not, see yourself as an artist or not, a woman or not we all have access to this void space of creation through which we bring birth and authorship to the world. Whether applicable to you literally or metaphorically, it is true that with our blood we create the human world.
From the channel:
“the shame, blame, guilt, turmoil, fallout — ancient debris is now clear, no longer ours to carry. i send it all down to the core of mother earth. where she lovingly transmutes it, turning it into love, now. gems in the cave, logs on the fire”
“because mother god herself lives in me — i speak love over myself. i speak love over my mothering. i speak love over my mother. i speak love over all those around me. i speak love over crystalline earth.”
Eight of Pentacles: The Work is Self-Noticing
In tarot, the 8 of Pentacles represents intentional practice, steady progress, and mastery. On its face, it could be read as an invitation for sneaky self-improvement culture to overtake. It offers a reminder: there will be moments when routines feel stale. In such times, it can feel tempting…
- to destroy your self-esteem by becoming your own biggest hater
- or place disproportionate value in a checklist
- or a spreadsheet with all the bells and whistles,
casual perfectionist moves, but under the surface there’s another reminder! This one suggests you lean all the way in. So you can learn and be aware that it isn’t necessary to act on the impulse to abandon something when it triggers discomfort.
From the channel:
“we all become the light of the mother moon, shining in dark places, bringing love, light and levity. and building more beautiful and loving worlds in our wake. created from our hands. in our kitchens. with pen to paper in valleys like ours.”
Leaning into self-doubt and anxiety is the work. Noticing myself, and all the accompanying emotions that find me, while I do not shy from the work of being devoted to myself, is the work. So I find ingredients everywhere, including during family movie time!
In the animated movie, In Your Dreams, protagonist and textbook perfectionist, Stevie Ting, is initially seduced by the fantasy world offered to her by the Sandman, where her little brother never existed. But it ultimately doesn’t feel right. Sorry not sorry for still talking about it… But this story feels very Energy Rising coded to me. Its plot is the poster child for placing weight in the situational circumstances of life rather than choosing to transform emotional pain into power.
From a mystical lens, seeing oneself as the Cosmic Giantess (or whatever archetype you’re currently loving on) makes it easier to stay with the work. This altar itself is that. It’s born from collecting and playing in found ingredients: divination, research, paper art, cutting, gluing, coding, and organizing rabbit holes. Not always producing an answer or a work, but always in service of metabolizing visiting thought forms.
King of Wands: Standing In It, Feeling It All, Making It Art
So if the story here is to:
- Keep the heart light during life,
- to cross the threshold to the underworld and allow death,
- even though seeing it through may leave us feeling weary,
- the promise of change and our own self-trust fuels us forward.
Then, the path through the dirt asks us to name the old foundations, offer them to the Earth for transmutation, and connect to the wild dreams inside our deepest depths. Or said another way: what does the hungry mommy in me want to feast on? I allow the Cosmic Giantess inside me to want, desire, hunger for it all. And then I let her loose, to eat, feast, and create from that place.
From the channel:
“i know, intuitively, instinctually when an old skin must be shed. i hear vibration. i feel energy. i am happy to work with those who choose connection with me. i am the beginning. and the end. i am everything and nothing.”
My family ring’s journey to the underworld was necessary; it was a portal for seeing it differently, seeing it all good. Because death asks for presence.
Though I can’t say for sure, I think in Duat, and in Ma’at’s hallway, there is only the present moment. Sure, there’s all that came before, and it’s not forgotten, but we can only be here, now.
Which includes making the heart light one way or another; Ammit is removing what’s heavy. So it all comes out clean in the wash. Refreshed. Just itself. No longer impacted by what isn’t original.
Taking alternate views, weighing hearts and washing laundry is the mastery of neutrality. Discernment of where, what, and who to invest in comes easily to me. I know, trust and accept that life is showing me where I need to soften.
To accept something, we must first recognize it. A high level of courage is required to look at the things swept under the rug and the lenses through which you’re viewing them.
The gag is: staying with yourself and feeling the fear is a body-based sensation. It is simply in your body, and you are well equipped to care for your body. Feeling the initial fear makes way for instant softening. So I take the soft approach to life, walk the path of love everywhere, and I allow myself to be surprised and delighted.
The Fool: Trusting the Leap, Making the Offering
The cycles cycle in circles. Everything is a merkaba moment! There are infinite views, lenses, triangles to look at the situation through, and to colour in when I “get it”. And even after I got it, it’s always coming back around in a new way! Seeing myself and life in this way tends to be both painful and freeing.
In Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, part of the Initiation is Meeting the Goddess. I’ve come to experience this less as meeting a particular deity and more as entering into a relationship with a new way of seeing. In The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Campbell writes, “By deficient eyes she is reduced to inferior states; by the evil eye of ignorance she is spellbound to banality and ugliness. But she is redeemed by the eyes of understanding.”
In this house website, we look through eyes of understanding and STAN a lady of death, chaos, and destruction! Powerhouse visitors grace these halls: Ma’at, Kali, Eris, Morticia Addams, Nyx, Circe, Hecate, Persephone. Meeting the Goddess here, again and again means:
- the archetype changes,
- relationship is formed,
- and therefore I am changed.
These successive transfigurations become the symbolic relationship through which I come to know myself more deeply.
So in the end, the wheel turns, journeys end and we find ourselves at the beginning again. This altar space offers to you Ma’at’s blessing; it all comes out clean, so keep your heart light. Release judgment.
The full channel:
“the part of me who’s too much or makes a whole thing of it … the one who builds moments IS me. you’re a silly goose, an artist & just a girl. divinity is the tool through which you access God Earthside. healing the maternal lineage is an act of using this body & it’s electricity in Godly ways. there’s no need to run, chase, seek outside, to escape, to use or abuse substances. i am magnetic. are magnets magnetic? yup and i am a large and in charge, and divine one.
i allow myself to seek ‘what’s seeking me’, until i find that i’m the whole ocean in a single drop. the whole nile, a flood of love. i chase nothing. everything is magnetized effortlessly to me, under grace and in perfect ways. there are no mistakes and i can see clearly when patterns present themselves to me, in my life and through those around me.
i examine what i know through enlightened eyes. i know i do not have to be good. i know i have nothing to prove. i don’t expect anyone else to prove anything to me either. you can be who you are and i see you. i love you, forgive you and accept you. and i’m sorry for any moment you’ve felt otherwise. i give this to all. to me, all versions, across all time & space, all lifetimes and dimensions. i give this to my maternal lineage, all versions of them, across all time & space, all lifetimes and dimensions.
i give this to all the folks i’ve encountered along the way. any and all rejection, any of us have experienced across all time, space, timelines + dimensions, any and all explicit, implicit, direct of indirect rejection is now clear. the shame, blame, guilt, turmoil, fallout — ancient debris is now clear, no longer ours to carry. i send it all down to the core of mother earth. where she lovingly transmutes it, turning it into love, now. gems in the cave, logs on the fire. healing which allows us to delineate relationship from attachment. that which allows us to meet others with compassion & acknowledgement of their own black hole heart.
we no longer hate another and we no longer hate any part of ourselves. we walk with humility. we all become the light of the mother moon, shining in dark places, bringing love, light and levity. and building more beautiful and loving worlds in our wake. created from our hands. in our kitchens. with pen to paper in valleys like ours. in meditations where i am ginormous. because mother god herself lives in me — i speak love over myself. i speak love over my mothering. i speak love over my mother. i speak love over you, and all those around me. i speak love over crystalline earth.
the ring IS a portal. it has been a portal for releasing the notion i am not and will not be met. this distortion is no longer a lens i wish to look through. i’m baked in. we all are made to be here, exactly, right here, right now, where we are, doing what we’re doing, being who we’re being, working with, through and on the things we’re meant to w/ the people we’re meant to. i’m not at odds with anyone, anything, anywhere across any time or space, ever, period.
i still believe in a police report. in a book report. in freedom to have emotions, all of them, without apology. but you can’t betray me. you didn’t, you won’t, it’s simply not possible to. i am a master of neutrality so discernment of where, what and who to invest in comes easily to me. there’s a blessing in this lesson, i know because i buried a family heirloom in my front yard after a 5 hour coffee shop date. why? i still don’t really ‘know’. i just felt compelled to do it and i’m about to dig it up. the healing process is complete.
i am with me even when it feels hard to be me. i am with me even when i’m walking a fine line between relationship and attachment, making relationship identity. i am mother moon, so i hold it loosely. all of it. none of it is mine to control, force, contort to fit. nothing requires to be mended, fixed or otherwise edited. it’s all perfect not permanent. so i know, intuitively, instinctually when an old skin must be shed. i hear vibration. i feel energy. i am happy to work with those who choose connection with me. i am yin. i am yang. i am the beginning. and the end. i am everything and nothing.
so i leap like a rabbit sometimes, but always like a cat, landing on my feet. without question. that’s what the work was here. knowing i’d catch me. we wrapped fireiversary with a bow. cause it’s been one year of living life in relationship with others and being OK.”
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